America: Round 2

Today I woke up homesick and so I realized it was probably time for a blog update.

As you saw from my last post I spent nearly 8 weeks at home in England. It was a well needed break and I couldn't have had a better time there. I simply spent 8 weeks relaxing and living the British life. It was perfect. Most importantly I learned how lucky I am to have the friends and family I have. Many people will come in and out of your life, but those select few that stick around - even when you move out of the country - I owe them so much.

Coming back to Cali was an easy transition. When I look back to January, the two return trips couldn't have been more different. Last time it took a lot to get me on my feet again. I was battling incredible homesickness and was miserable. I've never been so unhappy. This time it was different though. This time I merely had the time difference to get used to, and thanks to the wonderful hospitality of the Allen family I didn't need to worry about anything else. Nothing seemed different or new and so I simply fit back into life here like I'd never left.

It wasn't long before I found myself back into university life, and this term feels like the busiest I've ever been. With teaching classes, working in Athletics, completing my masters, and the self-inflicted coaching observation hours and book reading, I've been working non stop. I get up, go to work, go home, go to bed. I'm barely awake for any social life after that. All my efforts have been on simply day to day functioning, and that often spills over into the weekend. I flew in on the 17th august which means I've not been back a month yet, and it feels like so long since I was at home in England with my puppy.

Needless to say I get very little time to think about anything else, which means Sundays are my down days. Sundays I get space from school. Sunday's I wear my Brunel hoody and stay in my Pj's. I wake up, have a proper cup of tea, and make egg burritos. I Skype my parents on Sundays. We might go to the store or go to dinner, but mostly Sundays are for doing nothing. Tonight we're going to watch the 49ers game at our friends house. Sundays are the days I try and get my head around what the hell happened this week, and to remember where I am and why I'm here. Unsurprisingly that means - Sundays are my homesick days.

As crazy as it's all been I can easily see how fast I've had to grow in such a small space of time. I keep thinking back to last year and where I was this time last year. In fact this time last year I was probably still hiding in my bedroom at weekends, not knowing people and Skyping my parents alone and scared. Those first few months seemed crazy. Yesterday I was trying to remember what I used to do on weekends at Brunel. I don't remember. It feels like a lifetime ago. It's a weird feeling when a place like Brunel, that felt so much like home and such a big part of me, now just feels like a memory from when I was a kid. That hurt more than anything because I still have so much Brunel pride, but I don't feel a part of that place anymore. I feel like a different person now, so for me to go back and pretend like nothing has changed would be a lie. I never expected to feel that way.

My brother is starting his second year of uni now. I can't believe it. I feel like I'm missing out on him growing up.

It's not all misery though, and to pretend like it is would be over dramatic and unfair. After being here a year I know how it all works life in America is finally easy. I have some really great friends and as a result I get to do things like wine tasting and go to fundraiser dinners. I love what I do and I'm learning so much everyday. I can see how I'm developing from undergrad to masters. I work hard as a teacher and I get a huge sense of achievement when one of my students learns something! When I look back at interviewing for this job I really didn't know what to expect, but if I'd imagined the best possible scenario, I am living it now.

Before I finish rambling, I would like to publicly thank Kayleigh for inspiring my blog today. After 11 years and from thousands of miles away she is still supporting me. Thanks Kays.

Oh also! My last post sent my blog above 1000 veiws. Now I'm fairly sure even my mum doesn't have time to read my blog 1000 times, so to who ever you are, thank you for reading. My blog is well needed therapy for me, as well as a piece of mind knowing I can keep my friends updated with my little adventure - so thank you very much for reading because it really means a lot to me. As a reward to you all, here are some gifs of cats which I think are really funny.

No Place Like Home

After coming home for Christmas I figured the whole process of 'coming home' this summer would be a similar one. In fact it was very different. Not because of the weather (although coming to England to more beautiful sunshine was a plus), but because I'd been away longer. When I came home at Christmas, I'd been in California for just over 4 months. It was still new to me, and coming home was a well needed break. This time though, I'd been away 6 months. Not only was it a longer break, but it meant I'd been living in California for 10 months now, and I hadn't realized how "Americanized" I had become.

In 10 months I'd gone beyond the novelties and the obvious differences in language. I was full-on thinking like an American. I now have full understanding of Cali life, school, sports, food, politics, social life and was living it completely. I was visiting places in L.A. and the Pacific Coast and not grouping myself with the other tourists there. I know how to send mail, pay in a check, pay for a meal and how much to tip. I know when's the best time to drive and what the traffic will be like. I know how to get to San Francisco and how long it will take and where to go, as well as knowing where San Jose, Santa Cruz, Sacramento and San Diego are and what's there. I started watching sports center, started caring about the 49ers and the NFL draft, and felt guilty for liking The Heat (basketball) when everyones hating on LeBron. I naturally say 'soccer', 'yard', 'freeway' and 'sweater'. In ten months I have changed and my brain is split into two worlds, and the more you learn, the more difficult it is to interchange between them. I no longer feel like a British kid writing about how different America is. Now, I am writing about how I came home and saw the UK like a tourist for the very first time.

It happened immediately as I got off the plane. It was sunny so that didn't feel alien to me, but after 2 minutes in the car I started to notice things that had always been there before. Sure, driving on the left side of the road took a little readjustment but I was ready for that. What I didn't expect was to notice how green everything was. Miles and miles of green fields and trees. Then the condition of the motorway, and how smooth and clean the roads were. Then how long the journey took; I was home in 30 minutes. A 30 minute drive will get you to the cinema in California, and no where near an airport. Then I noticed the postboxes, bright red and dotted so randomly around the town. Then the cars parked on the road because not all houses have driveways here. The roads aren't wide or straight, but curved and narrow. There aren't any trucks, but instead white vans. It took me a week to settle back into life here and to remember how to "be" British.

A few weeks later I found myself in London for dinner with a friend who I had missed so so much. As I waited in Trafalgar Square I took numerous pictures of Nelsons Column, the National Gallery, red phone boxes, and the Sherlock Holmes pub. I became a tourist in a city I used to visit every other week.

At first I thought I was just 'thinking like an American', but I wasn't thinking about America at all. Instead I was just seeing home as an outsider and appreciating what we have here. I hear so many Brits complain about the country and I used to be one of them, but now I can see the good we have beyond my home comforts. Now I can see why people travel from around the world to visit us, and why so many people will break immigration laws to come live here.

I've been back nearly 4 weeks now. I've truly experienced the good and bad in both places. I've experienced the home sickness and missing friends at both ends. It's a strange feeling to feel like you belong in two completely different places, and it's especially scary when you have to start thinking about your future. Who knows what will happen from here, but for the first time I have to start thinking that America might not just be two years of my life anymore.

Finally, on a slightly unrelated note, I would like to end on a request to all my friends and family. Please don't ask me "so how is America?". What kind of question is that? A person who has just spent 10 months in America can only answer you with a written essay, AND THIS IS WHY I HAVE A BLOG. Be specific god dammit! Otherwise you'll be getting the generic "yeah its good, the weathers nice" response.

Peace out and thanks for reading.

Schools Out! (Nearly...)

Hi Everyone! So I know my blog's this side of Christmas have been few and far between and for that I do apologize!

Since my Birthday over a month ago things have relaxed. The Spring term ended three weeks ago meaning I have officially completed my first year as a graduate assistant! I think overall everything worked out, even if it was a hell of a learning experience. As far as my GA responsibilities go I am mostly free until August, just some loose ends to tie up.

Since spring term ended I have actually been taking a Sport Psychology "Summer School" class. Each Summer school term only lasts 5 weeks, meaning I have class every day. It's been incredibly intense, but with only that to focus on (and my Thesis as always) I've developed a good daily routine. Gym in the morning followed by class, followed by swimming/sunbathing at the pool, heading home for a nap and eventually completing my work or readings for the next day. Its been pretty relaxed and I've certainly started getting the Cali tan I've been working for since I arrived!

Having said that, school dragging out an extra 5 weeks has stared to take its toll. When I've got summer plans, particularly my plans to fly home, it's hard to enjoy the things keeping me here. With 2 weeks left of summer school I'm hoping I can hold on a little longer even with the home sickness starting to hit me.

These last few days in particular have been a real struggle. Firstly, the brutal attack in London really hit me. You never know when you might lose some one you love, and I've never felt a more compelling urge to be closer to my family and friends. Then secondly, while I hope they all enjoyed their final week, all of my friends leaving my old uni have been documenting their goodbyes all over Facebook. It's difficult to read when I have so many great memories and friends moving on to bigger things, there's a part of me (and I'm sure all alums) that wishes I could have been there. Lastly, you might remember the friend that came to visit me who had been attending Oklahoma State? Well he's now back in my home town celebrating with our old school mates. Again another difficult thing knowing he's home now and I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wishing away my time in the States, but I am very homesick!

It's not all bad though. Two weeks from now Summer school will be finished and I'll be free, driving down the coast of California heading for L.A.


A few weeks ago I also had an awesome opportunity to go and play some hockey with some college teams!
It was so amazing to pick up a stick and play after nearly a year out of the game! Apart for some clear fitness issues, and unfamiliarity with the heat, I think I managed to keep up! We played on a high school American football pitch as you can see below (the size of high school sports facilities still blow my mind). It was rubber-crumb turf so it wasn't too difficult to play on, and 7-a-side so we didn't collapse in exhaustion. You can see from the picture it turned out to be a rare cloudy day which was a real blessing for me since I'm used to playing in more harsh conditions (rain, hail, snow, ice). We got a few rays of sun later in the day to make up for it.

So, I'll be flying home for the U.K. at the end of June, and so this may well be one of my last blog entries for a while! Anyone at home, I have 6 weeks in England, you can buy me a drink ;-)

Take care everyone!
xoxo

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22...

As the Taylor Swift inspired title would suggest, I recently turned 22. For me this is a personal tragedy as I no longer can be considered a young person despite my intellectual maturity of a 12 year old. Regardless of my hatred of turning 22, birthdays are usually eventful, and so I do actually have something to talk about finally!

In true adult style I initially celebrated my birthday two days early since my buddy wouldn't be around for the real thing. That Wednesday night I was finally taken out for a steak. If I know anything about American stereotypes, I know that I was long over due for my first massive all-american steakhouse. After a 30 minute drive we arrived at a Texas Roadhouse. The car park smelt like heaven. I'm a steak lover, I would've been happy sat in the car park. Anyway... My initial thoughts as we walked through the restaurant is "why is the floor such a mess?". Brits beware - this will blow your mind - each table had a bucket of 'help yourself' monkey nuts, the idea being that once you finished eating the shells are just thrown onto the floor. Do not underestimate how messy this made the walkway. With a crunch crunch crunch we were sat at our table where I was presented with my own monkey nuts. I couldn't do it. I was surrounded by people throwing shells on the floor, that's what you do, but I just couldn't. Instead I did the British thing and made a tiny neat pile of shells on my table. We ordered cocktails, it was a special occasion after all, but these cocktails turned out to be mini-fishbowls disguised as glasses. I should've guessed really. Oh and they don't measure spirits in this country. 16oz of rare steak later I'd truly experienced my first American Steakhouse. It was pretty awesome, even through the anxiety of being socially required to make a mess in a restaurant.

Two days later I finally had room to eat, and I turned 22. Again, in true 22 year old style I was working on my birthday. I'd actually not told anyone it was my birthday, but of course thanks to the salvation that is Facebook, everyone knew by midday. Thank you all for the birthday wishes, and to the boys in my office who even made a last minute birthday card. I had every intention of cycling home at 4pm and curling up in bed at 6pm just like a old person does, but luckily I have friends who knew I belonged in a bar that night. After ditching my bike we drove to Chile's immediately. Restaurant bars are truly magical places. You think you're safe because you're in a restaurant, but 2 beers and 3 cocktails later you realise you're stumbling around people eating a nice meal. Needless to say, I love drinking with friends, it was a really perfect birthday, so thanks!

Since then not too much has happened in respect to events. I do owe you and old story though. Roughly 4 weeks ago I was lucky enough to have a buddy from school from my home in England come visit! He's studying in Oklahoma at the moment, but over Spring break he came to visit California, and me! I showed him around my university and office, but the it was the trip to San Francisco that's worth talking about. Firstly, it was awesome to have a kid from my home town out here. Finally someone who I can just talk to in my native tongue, and talk about home with someone who knows it, and compare American stories! It was like we we're 17 again and driving to South-End for the day! It was also the weirdest thing ever. After a great day of seeing the sights, and watching the sun set behind the Golden Gate Bridge we headed to the Warf for dinner and drinks. It wasn't long after we ended up in a club in the Castro and we were both doing our cheesy moves on the dance floor - just like the Disco room in Oceana 4 years ago. It was so life affirming to have him there, to remember home and to see how far we've both come. It was awesome.

I think that's all my stories for now. I did recently discovered that I'm not bad at basketball - thanks Miss Thorogood, that's all you - although I did also discover I am too small for basketball after I was knocked on my back and had the ball bounced over my head. I am still in pain from those 30 minutes.

The weather is beautiful here, and with the school year coming to an end things have started to relax. In currently sat in the outfield of the softball pitch at school waiting for the game to start. To my family and friends at home: everything great here, and I'll be flying home for a few weeks this summer in July!

Hoping you are well and thanks for reading!

Finally a free weekend

It wasn't long until the Christmas break was well behind me and my head was back into work. This time with double the work load and a part time job to add on to the daily run of things. A work load that included my Thesis, the proposal of which was due yesterday, hence why I've finally got a free weekend. Prior to now, if I did have any spare time I should have been using it to write - not that I was necessarily, but I certainly didn't have time to blog.

It's funny, the things you do when you finally don't have work to worry about. Today I actually did a tonne of washing and cleaning and enjoyed having the freedom to do it. Since when were domestic chores fun? I drank a lot of tea too, but other than that I couldn't tell you what I've done with my day and it's almost over. I suppose this is what happens when your best buddy flies to Texas to play softball (selfish).

The weathers warmed up again here. Despite the snow in various parts of California, we didn't see any of it, and the past week I've been back into my shorts and tshirts. It's a strange thing, being sat outside at 5:30pm, watching the sunset and writing my blog post. I don't think I can say I ever got to do this at home, not so casually anyway. The sun shines in England and everyone rushes out into their back gardens to make the most of it. I just needed a place to sit, and more often than not, outside is a viable option. I no longer feel the very English urge to "make the most of it", when "it" is shining all day every day.

I'm actually sat here waiting for my unis basketball game to start - no, I am not here as an avid supporter of American sport - this is the part time job I mentioned before. Somebody thought I should be given the responsibility of working the personal points and fouls board at games. I assure you, it is as stressful as it sounds, particularly when you're other friends are getting to sit there and answer the phone only 3 times a game. But hey, I can't complain I need the money, and I'm not that bad at it now I understand the rules fully. With that said, I'm starting to understand the Softball stats pretty well after watching the numbers changing online. Perhaps I am getting engulfed into the American culture more than I expected; but then I cringe through the American National Anthem as they play it at every game, so there's plenty of British in me yet.

So this week I got a real reality check of how people in this country really do not walk anywhere. It's a daily task of mine to walk to a local Elementary school, a 10 minute walk away, and 5 of that being to cross campus. It's a tragedy that of the 9 of us required to attend the school, I am the only one who walks there. I'm sure it takes longer to drive, so I don't really understand this logic. Mentioning this to people in conversation, I discovered people will drive from one side of campus to the other which was even more mind blowing. This campus isn't a big campus. What the hell people. My friends genuinely feel guilty when they can't drop me at my office door - I'll walk the 5 minutes across campus! Seriously! It's more than just a walk too. When you take the time to walk somewhere you get some thinking time, time to disappear in your headphones, time to appreciate the things you pass by every day. Today, I walked a route that I am usually in a car for, and I saw the tallest palm tree I have ever seen in my 21 years of life. I drive past that tree every other day, and that's the first time I've seen it since August! Probably California's saving grace is the number of skateboarders around. Sure, the majority of people drive even the shortest distances, but there must be more skateboarders than walkers. Anyway, rant over. That's just reminded me of the leaf blowers here, but I wont get started.

In the last few weeks I've started up a show on my uni's radio station. I needed a creative outlet since I don't have a hockey team to focus on any more, and it didn't take long to come up with the idea. Now every Tuesday I bring 6 songs of British origin to battle with my buddy's American rubbish. I think we got 9 listeners one evening, that's our record anyway. While you're all missing out by not listening, we have too much fun to care whether we have listeners or not, and I am learning. Actually it would be really awesome if you could like us on Facebook! (http://www.facebook.com/kpacbattleofthebands) We do a vote in track each week, UK vs USA, so it'd be awesome if you could like our page and get listening and voting each week. It's an hour long, 7-8pm (Cali time), so if you get the chance you can listen and watch us on a livestream video. It really is awesome and I'd love to start sharing it with more people. We want to hear from people too! What you want to listen to, and if you have any requests that fit in our categories then let us know. Right I'll stop repping my radio show, that can get boring.

I think for now I'm out of things to write about. I've really been too busy to have a life. I know there are some of you reading who I still haven't text back, and so for that I am really sorry! It's been that kind of month I'm afraid, but I promise to get on top of my communication business!

Enjoy February people!

Home for Christmas

It's been a while since I updated my blog, and for that I am very sorry. Towards the end of the semester it all got very busy with exams and deadlines and so on.

To fill you in on what you missed, I experienced my first Thanksgiving before Christmas. Firstly, I would like to let the American public know that British people DO NOT celebrate Thanksgiving, which was something I found myself explaining repeatedly. I found myself lucky enough to be invited to "SoCal" for Thanksgiving (that's Southern California to those who don't know the lingo). Ironically, with thanks to the amount of clothes I've bought from Republic, I not only understood what "SoCal" meant, but had it written inside and outside of a majority of my clothes prior to moving here. Anyway, Thanksgiving is just like Christmas really, except you spend it with family friends mostly, and you watch American Football instead of the Queens speech and Disney films. Roast dinner is just the same except for the introduction of marshmallows on some food, not sure about that one. My break down South also meant I got to spend some time exploring the beautiful mountains near where I was staying. The views were breathtaking, and to see real Ranches in the mountains was a treat for me.

Following Thanksgiving I made an effort the visit San Francisco before I went home for Christmas. Compared to London it feels much bigger although I'm not sure it is, and has more residences among the sights. It's relatively easy to drive around, which is near impossible in London. This was the same as Vegas, and is something that still blows my mind. Although I'm not sure you would choose to drive considering how steep some of the hills are, no exaggeration, it was frightening. There are also Trams on many of the roads which you Brits will have seen in the movies, or up north. The highlight of my day was probably seeing the Golden Gate bridge on such a beautiful sunny day, which you can see in this picture below.

As the title suggests, I was lucky enough to go back home to England for the Christmas break. I've not been so excited for something since I was a kid, and became insufferable where "home" became all I could talk about in the build up. I can assure you, my trip did not disappoint! Perhaps the most lovely surprise was finding my parents had got a dog in my absence! A 10 week old Westie named Bonnie. She truly is the cutest thing I've ever seen, and it meant I never wanted to leave the house except for walks and to Pets at Home. I became completely puppy oriented and by the end of my stay she could successfully "sit", "shake", "lie down", "fetch", and walk off the lead. When I finally dragged myself away from her, I made it to my old University for a night out. It was nice to see how many things haven't changed, and those that did had changed for the better. It was a great night out and was so lovely to see old faces. Totes emosh peeps! Anyway Christmas came and went as it does, and I had a lovely day and received perfect gifts under the tree. At this stage I should give a shout out to Kayleigh, who requested I mention her since she is a frequent reader, or so I've been told.

Before the end of my stay I was lucky enough to spend a day in the magnificent city of London with an old friend. I love London, perhaps even more now that I can appreciate how lucky I was to live so close for so many years. We visited as many sights as we could fit in, including the Dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum and seeing Stomp! at the Ambassadors Theatre. It was a magical day, one that I wont forget in a long time. I'm already looking forward to my next visit.

New Years Eve also came and went very quickly. While I do love to party, there was no way I wasn't spending it at home. Unfortunately I didn't get to catch up with everyone I love during my stay, but I know we will see each other soon. It may or may not please you that my New Years resolution is to increase my contact with everyone at home, which means updating my blog more often.

So this leads us here. I arrived back in California yesterday and thanks to my sleeping pattern and jet lag I found myself awake at 2am this morning. I initially thought twice about writing this next paragraph, but I think it is only fair to my friends and family that I do. I love my home, and going home for Christmas made it very difficult to want to come back. I've found myself as a classic case of thinking the grass would be greener. I do enjoy my job, the people, and the touristy moments I get while I'm here, but it doesn't compare to being at home. Those few days before my flight back to the states, I really felt true sadness for the first time in my life. I rarely felt homesick while at university, but now with so many barriers to my next flight home the thought of waiting until next Christmas is incredibly painful. Despite all these feelings I know why I'm here, and I am grateful for this learning opportunity, and so with any luck there won't be anymore sadness in my blog. After all, if I work hard I'll get to write MA after my name on stuff. Not only that, I am lucky enough to have some brilliant people in my life who have assured me they will try to find the money to get me home for the Summer, and I am incredibly grateful for this.

With all that said, I have had the most perfect Christmas break, and I am thankful to everyone, especially my  parents who spent a small fortune on me. I would like to wish every one a happy new year, and I hope 2013 brings you good fortune!

Getting into month #3

Its nearly 3 months since I arrived here in the USA. I can honestly say it has been the most emotional learning experience, and I still have the feeling like I am settling in.

I had good reason to behave like a tourist recently, having a truly amazing opportunity to road trip to Vegas and LA. To be honest a road trip to anywhere would have let me feel like I was living the dream, but to get the opportunity to go to those places was unreal. Vegas could be best described to my British friends and Brighton crossed with Blackpool on steroids. Hotels with roller coasters wrapped around them and hotels shaped like castles or replicating New York's high rise buildings, the place is ridiculous. You find yourself continually asking "Why?", and then realizing it doesn't matter, "We're in Vegas". There were tourists everywhere, and I got excited every time I heard a British accent. This also gave me license to take pictures of everything as you can see. Vegas was everything you imagine, just like you see in the movies. It's truly mind blowing, and I cannot wait to return.

I shouldn't go without mentioning we also saw a Lakers game in Vegas. It was only a preseason game, but I got to watch the Lakers play none-the-less.

I actually made my first visit to McDonald's in Vegas, where better to have your first McD's than Vegas? McDonald's here is not the same as at home in the UK. Firstly, as with most fast food places here, they've numbered all the meals, and the meals in question are different. Of course there is a meal that includes two cheeseburgers, not just one, and the drinks and fries come bigger. I find it crazy that I can go into somewhere as familiar as McDonald's and still need to ask my buddy to order for me. "Can I get a number 3 please?". How lazy is that? Whats wrong with just saying what you want? As with everything here the American culture has found an easier way to do something that was easy in the first place.

The trip to L.A wasn't so much for the tourist experience, but to see a USC football game. We arrived a couple of hours early for my first "Tailgate" experience. Tailgating, for my British friends, involves parking up 3/4 hours early and having a BBQ out the back of your truck. There is potential for beer pong and other games, and of course the main objective is to have a few drinks before the football. The true tailgater shows up with a flashy trailer/caravan and TV hooked up to watch other college games in preparation. I think if is wasn't for the poor weather and the strict rules on promoting heavy drinking and hooliganism, Tailgating would certainly have taken off in the UK because its our style. It's one step away from the BBQ's before the champions league.

The game itself was somewhat unreal when you consider it was a college/university game. The stadium was huge (the Colosseum previously used in the LA Olympics) and was packed full of fans. The football would have been fairly slow to watch, but by that point everyone had had just enough to drink that they we're too excited to get bored by the breaks in play. USC dominated.

The weekend showed me some real life American culture, and if I take away my sarcasm and cynicism, I have to say I was impressed. Everything is bigger and bolder than at home. Granted there are a few situations where I thought, "this is too much", the Trojan on a horse at the football for example, but it seems to work. Just like in the movies, you know that there are some things that would never work in the UK, but in the USA it works. Today I said "fool around" in a sentence and I didn't sound like an idiot because I'm in America. Say that in the UK and people think your trying to do an impression of someone in the movies.

On the whole I'd say I'm getting used to living here. I'm used to people not knowing or understanding what I'm saying, and I'm adapting my language to help smooth the process. I managed to teach my first undergrad class today without loosing them in translation. Conversation has become easier. I think people are getting used to me being the British girl too, and finally my British language has become "charming". Saying that, the day to day is still hard. Going to the store or getting to school is still complicated and you loose the feeling of independence.

To conclude, I would like to say "Go Giants" as the first baseball team I've ever supported wins the worlds series (even though I'm mad that it delayed Glee). I would also like to say well done to the Americans for voting Obama to stay in the White House allowing the rest of the world to breathe a sigh of relief.

Peace out. (Which I can now say and it be cool because I live in America)